The Brilliance of Resilience

I love the American Maid character on, "The Tick." The Tick Wiki provided a brief description of the character, American Maid is quite noble in character, and unlike most of the "good" characters featured in the series, she is actually relatively effective as a superhero. Having no superpowers, she relies on her Olympic-level trained acrobatic skills. This is hilarious No real superpowers but effective and noble, who could ask for anything more? Making the most of what life deals. Totally self-made maid. I read something similar this morning in a push notification not too long ago (I need to turn that shit off): Kylie Jenner's about to be the youngest, "self made," billionaire. Forbes says she made $900 million from Kylie Cosmetics. I am in a weird and sad place. I feel the old demons of jealous and distrust creeping in and find that there is so much evidence to let them take up residence. It feels like the constant bomba

When I hurt myself really badly, I pass out. It's happened several times in my life. A wave of nausea sweeps over me and and suddenly I wake up on the floor not knowing how much time has passed.  Today, I twisted my shoulder, recognized the feeling and when I went down, I hit my head on my bathtub so hard I have given birth to a giant bump on my forehead that is probably going to grow a face at any moment. I woke up naked and dazed, crawled over to sit on the toilet and called Mike. Then, promptly passed out again as soon as he answered...ripping down the shower curtain. If you're going to do something, you really need to do it, I guess. I staggered to bed and lay there for a minute talking and then I felt embarrassed about the whole thing. Not because I pass out when I feel extreme pain - that's just my body's way of dealing with it. But because here is yet another thing that requires telling people something unpleasant about myself that will require extra maint

I'm no fanatic but I do like, "My Favorite Murder." I have spent many road trips alone in the car listening to the details revealed by two women that know where empathy and humor find their place in relaying these events to a captivated audience. Now that there is almost definitive conviction of The Golden State Killer, Georgia and Karen seem to be working through their feelings about how this person terrorized their towns and their state and what it meant to have that pall cast over portions of their own history. Both of them, because of their proclivity to be interested in topics like these, have deeply-rooted ideas about how these unsolved cases change the landscape and remove the safety from behind every collective corner. When I went to see Georgia and Karen live it was interesting to see the collective gasps of the crowd when gruesome details are revealed - but not many gasps came or will come from me. When I think about how people are surprised at the things that

I went to visit my college roommate a few weeks ago and we were chatting about all of the things that we don't chat about via text message or email. One of them was my current search of understanding why I cannot really bond with people. That because now that I am not worried about my constant survival, I can think about things that were, "nice-to-haves." Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, she commented. When I googled this pyramid image, I laughed to myself about the realities of my journey. About how long I have been on the road to the mid-point of a triangle whose pinnacle is touted and boasted by every selfie-loving yogi Instagram can hold. I guess, maybe, I have this level of gratitude that I can think about this at all. I feel that there is this sense of having the luxury to be self-reflective and only a truly privileged turd would lament about being able to be so safe to be so utterly self-aware. And yet...here I am (this is the part where I would bow deeply and

I have been an inpatient in a mental health facility three times in my life. All times I was put there at my own request. These hospitalizations have cost money and they've ultimately cost credibility and respect. When you tell someone that you've been hospitalized or if they find out on their own, two things happen. First, they tell you how brave you are for dealing with your issues head-on and creating a better life for yourself. Second, they shift uncomfortably in place and immediately register you in the "loose cannon," category in their head that is usually reserved for street wanderers and senile elderly relatives. You become and brave liability. You could snap out at any given moment. People that have never spent time in a mental health facility have somehow become the experts of how it works, too. Armchair Psychiatrists will spout the latest thing that they've heard or read - and they'll pander to the idea that mental health disorders are a sig

The snow has been relentless in the last few weeks and I have spent more time in one place that I have for years. I finally unpacked my bulky vintage cosmetics case that I lived out of for two years and at first it was a momentous occasion that seemed to signify that I was laying roots, but the more I find myself in residential West Virginia without a destination for an afternoon of gallivanting or burning calories in the sun, the more I realize that I must face the realities of my own geography and its imprint on my way of thinking. And how there are many binds here. The idea that I received a DNA test as a gift (as many people have) is interesting to me because it turned into more than just a fun way to find out if the rumors that you are Native American are true (my rumors are not substantiated, by the way. Got Dang Mitochondrial DNA!). Ancestry found that I had a first cousin that I did not know in their database. It didn't seem completely out of the ordinary that the bastard