The Brilliance of Resilience

This is Monday of the fourth week of the headache. If I write a memoir, this chapter will be entitled something Gothy like, "The Headfog Swallow." This almost incessant pain has thrown me into a completely different kind of desperation thinking that maybe, somehow, the tumor that has gone unnoticed by medical science has blossomed into a physical manifestation, rather than just an emotional one, and finally, the lifetime of unidentifiable weirdness that I've felt will be explained through an actual growth that has pressed on the part of my brain that triggers completely irrational depression and anxiety. If it is, at least I'll get to see what it is like to be bald. I don't think that I have the head for it, personally. I was talking with my therapist about kids and about my being a kid. I often do this, because children mystify me. I was talking about being five years old and not actually being five years old. About always being hyper-aware of everything around

I have a very dear friend that is going through some shit. Yes, we all go through shit, and we all handle it in different ways, but his shit is serious. He's doing better than I would in his situation, and I think that one of the keys to his success (even if he would never call what he does successful) is to be very open about pride, shame, narcissism, sadness...the whole gamut of emotions that you feel when you're dealing with SHIT. He manifests this into lists that are posted via Facebook a couple of times a week. I've bought into gratitude lists for a while now and try to make them as often as possible. I once downloaded an app that would allow you to record three things that you were grateful for by day and then would save them for review. It saved paper, but much like my tangible journals...and this blog, regular entries weren't exactly easy. So, taking a page in the "Book of E!" I am trying my hand at shame and gratitude. Shame (I had to start this and

Facebook as a way of making you feel things that you aren't ready to feel. Whether it's jealousy for someone's new job or complete pity at the idiocy of that random classmate you sort-of knew in high school and they "friended" you and you're wondering why. It's so weird to feel this close to people that you barely even know at all. Facebook also has the, "On This Day," function that will allow you to see things that you've posted in years past. Today, I found a piece of writing that I had done seven years ago. First, I was completely floored at how good it was. That seems totally ridiculous to say, but I am really getting to the point in my life where I am totally stoked with how good I am at some things. It is totally beyond most people's paradigm to feel that way, and it always seems like the people that have embraced this mindset have a really minuscule amount of talent to be so excited about (Hello Kayne West!), but I have to say, b