Curvaceousness Revisited

Facebook as a way of making you feel things that you aren't ready to feel. Whether it's jealousy for someone's new job or complete pity at the idiocy of that random classmate you sort-of knew in high school and they "friended" you and you're wondering why. It's so weird to feel this close to people that you barely even know at all.

Facebook also has the, "On This Day," function that will allow you to see things that you've posted in years past. Today, I found a piece of writing that I had done seven years ago. First, I was completely floored at how good it was. That seems totally ridiculous to say, but I am really getting to the point in my life where I am totally stoked with how good I am at some things. It is totally beyond most people's paradigm to feel that way, and it always seems like the people that have embraced this mindset have a really minuscule amount of talent to be so excited about (Hello Kayne West!), but I have to say, being a little conceited goes a long way. Second, I was sad that a lot of the things that I spoke of as being cultural norms about the acceptance of different races is becoming a problem in our politically-polarized country. So, in seven years, we're regressed socially, but hopefully my writing hasn't.

When I wrote this, I'm not sure that I was even as fat as I am now, even after having lost 56 pounds since the beginning of November. Being on a weight-loss journey while advocating for fat people's rights is an interesting place to live. While I understand where I'm coming from, there are those (both fat and thin) that feel that in order to understand fatness, you have to live in the world of stereotypical fatness: bad diet choices, poor exercise habits and a general shitty attitude about modern medicine's findings of the affects of excess weight on overall health. While in the last seven years there have been incredible strides for equality and visibility, it has amplified the notion that fat people don't know what thin people know about health and wellness. That, inherently, all fat people are unhealthy and all thin people are healthy. Socially, most people want to be able to look at someone for five seconds and suss out exactly what they are based upon that initial ident. And, let's face it, there are still those that do not want to acknowledge the struggles that for people of color continue to be ongoing, even fifty years after the fact, so people accepting fat people equally for jobs, love interests and equals on all levels is a long way from entering the proverbial lexicon. 

One thing that did change between this post and today was that I started not to like me. I started not to like the way that I felt and the way that I lived. I started not to like where I was headed with the bad decisions that I was making. Even though I'm not anywhere near an acceptable goal weight, the difference in the way that I live and the gratitude that I have for each day's journey is astounding...even to me at times. I'm still curvy, but I feel like now I am curvy with a purpose.