Baby, You can Drive my Karma (Sorry, Dad Joke)
Last Monday I had the six or seventh car accident that I did not cause (there have been so many that I have lost track). This is the third accident with the car that I purchased in 2015. I have had to prove my piece of the accident more than I feel that I should have, but I think that the work and transparency is paying off. When I flung open the door and faced a girl ten years younger than me that was being impatient at the stop sign, backed up to go around and didn't see me, I faced myself.
I joked with Mike when I got this car that I should call it Kismet, but I never actually named it as I had with all of my other vehicles. Maybe I cursed it with the name Kismet or maybe I am cursed with Kismet. I often joke with people that I am paying a Karmic penance for being a real asshole in a previous life. The reality is, I am probably paying a bit of a Karmic penance for being a real asshole in this life.
The Universe rarely doles out occurrences without lessons, I think. It seems to be wholly our choice to find the good that comes from it. I have talked a lot about how I seem to be dealing with the fallout of everyone around me and their bad choices - from birth to this moment in the Giant Eagle parking lot - rain pouring down while I deal with another smashed front-end and another insurance company.
The reality is that everyone is in that exact position. To deny that there are some people that have more people in their corner with financial assistance, spiritual guidance, and selflessness would be denying the reality of privilege, but to deny that we are victims of bad choices (either our own or those of the people that touch us) as much as we benefit from the good ones would be an untruth. And to deny that we are in control of how we react to any of these situations is denying ourselves the belief that we can change, update, improve, and leave our situation at any point and figure out what works and how. You can deny that you're able to change - but the Universe knows it. And so do I.
There is a lot of rhetoric about being gentle with yourself and others in the road to spiritual, physical and mental wellness. I kind of find this method to be slow, full of ways to make excuses and total bullshit. Example lies in my foray into possible Bariatric surgery (I've written about this a few times, but I find it to be such a traumatic experience that has left such a lasting impression upon me that facets of the story seem to unroll into how I look at just about everything) a year and half before this moment. Many pounds ago, I sat in an auditorium at the largest hospital chain in Pittsburgh and worked through a packet of information about losing weight. This was a requirement to be considered for surgery - one of the check boxes to a sleeve, a band or a roux-en-y. The packets talked about portion control, exercise, food-logging, etc., with multiple scenarios about lifestyle changes. These suggestions included, "Instead of three candy bars, maybe eat one," or, "Try walking five minutes a day and do your best." <insert - are you fucking kidding me - here> I read through and I checked the boxes and I did the weigh-ins and the things that I needed to do to start to make it happen because it seemed like this was the last chance to be in control of my life. At no point did I see what people need to see when they are considering weight-loss surgery,
The actual turning-point came when I attended an optional weight-loss surgery support group and heard a woman talk about life ten years after a lap-band. She said that it, "didn't work," for her and that she wanted to get the roux-en-y surgery. She said, too, that she couldn't imagine walking past a Thai restaurant and never eating those foods again. It sounded like lust. At no point did she say that she wasn't successful in changing her lifestyle. In fact, at no point did she mention that she changed anything. By the time this meeting came around, I had already lost thirty pounds on my own. I saw the surgeon shortly after and he asked me why I was here - I didn't have any serious health problems. He shared the really small success rate of people keeping the weight off and he expressed the need to think about everything differently before and after the surgery that is designed to save a life - not save a swimsuit body. It hit me plainly. That although it didn't take overnight to get to a point where I was considering weight-loss surgery as a viable option, it needed to be an overnight change to make myself ready to live the life that I wanted to live to be healthier and the life that I had to live if I didn't want to die at forty.
Karmic impact came in the same lifetime - the idea that I can both identify that sometimes people and their choices really suck and make my life harder and simultaneously I can realize that,
1. I am not special because I have to deal with it.
2. I am in control of my reaction to it.
3. No one can take away the lessons that you learn from other people's (and your own) shit choices and their fallout.
So many people make me feel like they live life held hostage by their bodies and minds - and while we can't always manifest a million dollars, leave our life to ride the rails, change our family, or stop the terrible things that some people do, we can take control of the exact moment and make the choice of guiding the Karma, instead of succumbing to Kismet.
"...'cause I was once like you, so arrogant and brave. Impetuous and rude."
I joked with Mike when I got this car that I should call it Kismet, but I never actually named it as I had with all of my other vehicles. Maybe I cursed it with the name Kismet or maybe I am cursed with Kismet. I often joke with people that I am paying a Karmic penance for being a real asshole in a previous life. The reality is, I am probably paying a bit of a Karmic penance for being a real asshole in this life.
 |
| Fuck You, Dude. |
The reality is that everyone is in that exact position. To deny that there are some people that have more people in their corner with financial assistance, spiritual guidance, and selflessness would be denying the reality of privilege, but to deny that we are victims of bad choices (either our own or those of the people that touch us) as much as we benefit from the good ones would be an untruth. And to deny that we are in control of how we react to any of these situations is denying ourselves the belief that we can change, update, improve, and leave our situation at any point and figure out what works and how. You can deny that you're able to change - but the Universe knows it. And so do I.
There is a lot of rhetoric about being gentle with yourself and others in the road to spiritual, physical and mental wellness. I kind of find this method to be slow, full of ways to make excuses and total bullshit. Example lies in my foray into possible Bariatric surgery (I've written about this a few times, but I find it to be such a traumatic experience that has left such a lasting impression upon me that facets of the story seem to unroll into how I look at just about everything) a year and half before this moment. Many pounds ago, I sat in an auditorium at the largest hospital chain in Pittsburgh and worked through a packet of information about losing weight. This was a requirement to be considered for surgery - one of the check boxes to a sleeve, a band or a roux-en-y. The packets talked about portion control, exercise, food-logging, etc., with multiple scenarios about lifestyle changes. These suggestions included, "Instead of three candy bars, maybe eat one," or, "Try walking five minutes a day and do your best." <insert - are you fucking kidding me - here> I read through and I checked the boxes and I did the weigh-ins and the things that I needed to do to start to make it happen because it seemed like this was the last chance to be in control of my life. At no point did I see what people need to see when they are considering weight-loss surgery,
If you do not get control of your life, you are going to die much sooner than you want to.
The actual turning-point came when I attended an optional weight-loss surgery support group and heard a woman talk about life ten years after a lap-band. She said that it, "didn't work," for her and that she wanted to get the roux-en-y surgery. She said, too, that she couldn't imagine walking past a Thai restaurant and never eating those foods again. It sounded like lust. At no point did she say that she wasn't successful in changing her lifestyle. In fact, at no point did she mention that she changed anything. By the time this meeting came around, I had already lost thirty pounds on my own. I saw the surgeon shortly after and he asked me why I was here - I didn't have any serious health problems. He shared the really small success rate of people keeping the weight off and he expressed the need to think about everything differently before and after the surgery that is designed to save a life - not save a swimsuit body. It hit me plainly. That although it didn't take overnight to get to a point where I was considering weight-loss surgery as a viable option, it needed to be an overnight change to make myself ready to live the life that I wanted to live to be healthier and the life that I had to live if I didn't want to die at forty.
Karmic impact came in the same lifetime - the idea that I can both identify that sometimes people and their choices really suck and make my life harder and simultaneously I can realize that,
1. I am not special because I have to deal with it.
2. I am in control of my reaction to it.
3. No one can take away the lessons that you learn from other people's (and your own) shit choices and their fallout.
So many people make me feel like they live life held hostage by their bodies and minds - and while we can't always manifest a million dollars, leave our life to ride the rails, change our family, or stop the terrible things that some people do, we can take control of the exact moment and make the choice of guiding the Karma, instead of succumbing to Kismet.
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