Smoke Me a Kipper, I'll be back for the Funeral
I am pretty unabashedly a Red Dwarf fan. I know, NERD. ALERT.
In a particularly great episode, the post pod finally catches up with Red Dwarf, three million years late, and Rimmer, Lister and The Cat are excited to see what's inside. Rimmer gets a letter from his mother telling him that his father is dead. Later, Rimmer waxes poetic on the idea that everyone that they've ever known is dead, but receiving the letter makes it feel like it happened just then. He goes on to talk about what an utter bastard his father was in so many ways, but how he sought his approval...anyway. I think that almost everyone can relate to having a complicated relationship with their parents, even if their parents are not actively in their lives.
I don't think about my biological father a lot. It doesn't really serve me to do so, and it has become increasingly clear to me as I age that there are plenty of people that have children that have zero business doing so. It also has become even clearer that sometimes people make mistakes that they cannot fix, so they walk away. Sometimes, that is for the best. While a six year old may not understand it, a thirty-three year old totally does.
Yesterday, I casually googled by birth father's full name followed by the state where I last knew him to live. The statute of limitation has run out on any kind of child support for me (man, that would've been nice for some student loan money), and I'm not really interested in forming a relationship. Mostly, I'd like a little medical history and perhaps a few questions answered. My searched yielded what I thought might happen: a death record. Some facts I had, and a few I corroborated to confirm my suspicion of this record's meaning to me. So, he died in 2009 and that's it. But, it did answer some of my questions.
Before my Gram died, I asked her about this situation and she danced around what had happened. It wasn't her truth to tell, but it was another step to the confirmation of my biological father's marital status when I was born. When I was born, he had already been married for ten years to a woman that he was still married to when he died. When I think of this, I can't help but laugh to myself and sing that stupid song, "Love Child," by the Supremes. Was it the Supremes? Anyway, it's shitty, but it's closure.
Mike asked me when I told him about this if I thought that I would ever like to see his grave...you know, just for the hell of it. I quickly told him no. To me, he died a lot longer ago than 2009. And today is the day that the questions are laid to rest. With Rimmer, it took three million years to be validated in the notion that his father wasn't going to give him what he needed. My mind was made up about that a long time ago.
In a particularly great episode, the post pod finally catches up with Red Dwarf, three million years late, and Rimmer, Lister and The Cat are excited to see what's inside. Rimmer gets a letter from his mother telling him that his father is dead. Later, Rimmer waxes poetic on the idea that everyone that they've ever known is dead, but receiving the letter makes it feel like it happened just then. He goes on to talk about what an utter bastard his father was in so many ways, but how he sought his approval...anyway. I think that almost everyone can relate to having a complicated relationship with their parents, even if their parents are not actively in their lives.I don't think about my biological father a lot. It doesn't really serve me to do so, and it has become increasingly clear to me as I age that there are plenty of people that have children that have zero business doing so. It also has become even clearer that sometimes people make mistakes that they cannot fix, so they walk away. Sometimes, that is for the best. While a six year old may not understand it, a thirty-three year old totally does.
Yesterday, I casually googled by birth father's full name followed by the state where I last knew him to live. The statute of limitation has run out on any kind of child support for me (man, that would've been nice for some student loan money), and I'm not really interested in forming a relationship. Mostly, I'd like a little medical history and perhaps a few questions answered. My searched yielded what I thought might happen: a death record. Some facts I had, and a few I corroborated to confirm my suspicion of this record's meaning to me. So, he died in 2009 and that's it. But, it did answer some of my questions.
Before my Gram died, I asked her about this situation and she danced around what had happened. It wasn't her truth to tell, but it was another step to the confirmation of my biological father's marital status when I was born. When I was born, he had already been married for ten years to a woman that he was still married to when he died. When I think of this, I can't help but laugh to myself and sing that stupid song, "Love Child," by the Supremes. Was it the Supremes? Anyway, it's shitty, but it's closure.
Mike asked me when I told him about this if I thought that I would ever like to see his grave...you know, just for the hell of it. I quickly told him no. To me, he died a lot longer ago than 2009. And today is the day that the questions are laid to rest. With Rimmer, it took three million years to be validated in the notion that his father wasn't going to give him what he needed. My mind was made up about that a long time ago.
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